Nagging Kids?

Stand ground, tell nagging kids 'no'

MADISON, Wis. (7/18/07)—If you have children, there's a good chance you've given in to their nagging to—for lack of better words—shut them up. But when parents cave in, the nagging behavior can be hard to change (Channel3000.com July 11).

From early childhood on, kids beg. Children receive cues as to how their behavior can get them what they want. A national survey commissioned by the Center for a New American Dream found that children ages 12 to 17 will ask for something they've seen advertised nine times until a parent finally gives in. More than 10% of 12- to 13-year olds admitted to asking parents for something 50 times or more until they got what they wanted.

"Parents eventually reach a breaking point," said Philip Heckman, director of Credit Union National Association's young adult programs in Madison, Wis. "Children nag because it works as a successful tactic for getting what they want." When parents give in it's kind of an odd win-win: Children get what they want and parents get peace and quiet—for a little while at least.

Heckman said it's not easy, but parents can regain control:

• "Look forward and anticipate situations in which a child may be tempted to make a request, and be prepared to respond firmly to that request. For example, if you're taking children to the store, tell them before you get there that you will not be purchasing things that haven't previously been agreed upon.
• "Respond in an unexpected fashion. Instead of blowing up, yelling, and getting aggravated, give the child a hug and say something like, 'It's hard growing up isn't it?' or 'It's hard to take no for an answer and I appreciate that.' These unexpected responses really will throw a child off balance."

Heckman compared the rewards of nagging to gambling incentives. Slot machines don't pay off every time because irregular payoffs are a much stronger reinforcement to keep gambling.
So standing your ground today means you must also do so tomorrow and each time thereafter. Lapsing and giving in is even stronger reinforcement; it tells your kids they'll eventually get what they want if they keep nagging you for it.

Inevitably, parents will be challenged. Standing your ground and saying no makes kids face the reality that consumers have to make choices, including the choice not to buy.

CUNA's "Thrive by Five™: Teaching Your Preschooler About Spending & Saving" offers free activities and other resources for parents who want to encourage healthy attitudes about money in young children. Visit creditunion.coop for more information.

courtesy of cuna.org